It has been well over a week since my last post, and I need to be honest about why I have missed both Friday and Sunday’s posts.
The truth is I’m scared. I don’t like admitting it, but I am scared of making major life changes, of failing in following my dreams, of losing everything whilst in pursuit of my purpose.
I’m not sure why it has hit me so hard this past week or so. There have been no major events, no particular setbacks to speak of. Yet by Thursday afternoon my chest was tightening, my breathing a little laborious, and I felt trapped.
Rock And A Hard Place
It boils down to what feels like a lose – lose situation. I am unhappy in one part of my life, and yet to rectify that situation I have to temporarily sacrifice another. It would seem I have two options;
I stay in a job situation that is making me unhappy and having a negative impact on my mental wellbeing, but (just about) allows me to carry on chasing my dreams and developing the Pursuit Of Purpose brand;
I change jobs and move to a new organisation – but I accept that for the next 6 months at least my dreams are on hold. The blog will drop to 1 post per week at a maximum and the videos and other activities will grind to a halt.
Doesn’t sound like such a tricky situation, does it? I should go for option 2 and protect my mental wellbeing and put things at Pursuit Of Purpose on hold for 6 months or so. Seems pretty clear cut.
Except that throws me back in to the position I found myself in at the start of this year. Going back to that place would be to reinstate the feelings of being unfulfilled, the feeling that I am sleepwalking my way through life. Retreating isn’t an option.
So it’s the first option then? Stay where I am and tough it out. Sacrifice my mental wellbeing for the ‘greater good’. But then what if this also sacrifices the benefits being realised from Pursuit Of Purpose? What if it impacts the content I produce?
So here I am, back at square one.
But then there are no meaningful journeys in life that don’t involve some level of sacrifice and hardship. Even in the airbrushed reality of the movies or on TV shows, there is always a struggle along the way to the happily ever after!
However the difference between Hollywood and real life is that those struggles and hard times are unpredictable and there is no guaranteed rainbow and pot of gold waiting at the end. As a society it feels as though we have become so conditioned to the augmented reality we digest on a weekly basis that we have forgotten
- that its ok to struggle
- how to persevere through tough times, &
- that dreams don’t become reality without 1 & 2
“Think, think, think.”
I have spent the past few days thinking through my options and processing the decision. It’s time to answer the question.
What do I do now? Where do I go from here?
Which means somewhat ironically I stay where I am with regards work. I take the rough with the smooth and carry on chasing my dreams – because life is too short, and time is too precious to waste another 6 months treading water. I know where I want to be, and where I want to go – and I promised myself I would make decisions in pursuit of that end goal.
But I am making some subtle changes…
The content we are all used to ingesting across every medium is 95% airbrushed and/or carefully curated to show a side of life we all aspire to experience, whether it be lifestyle, happiness, love, or adventure.
The honest reality is that the lifestyle they are selling to you is unattainable, because that lifestyle is their dream – not yours. We spend so much time watching other people successfully chasing their dreams that we give up chasing our own when we don’t have the success we have come to expect, or we forget to chase our own dreams altogether.
How many times have you watched YouTube videos, read blog articles, or listened to podcasts where the host has shared with you their doubts and their struggles as well as their successes?
More often than not the only struggles discussed are ones that already have a happy ending. This isn’t healthy. It’s time to redress the balance.
I am going to persevere, share with you my struggles and tough times, as well as the happy moments, to show you the unfiltered reality of my journey chasing my dreams.
My promise to you is that I will always be honest, no matter how hard that will be at times. This is your invite to invest time in the journey, and share in the achievements along the way.
Following on from this post I will revert back to the standard posting schedule – with the next post on Friday!
Until then… have a good ‘un guys.